prismakaos | (no subject)

i feel that with such a momentous event occurring tomorrow, more people should be posting their last thoughts as undergraduates. i, however, am not graduating until september, so i have absolutely no need/requirement to do so. besides, i'm still writing a paper, so i can't spend too long anyway.

stanford has been good for me; it forced me to get away from my parents, it subjected me to more lows and highs than i ever could have expected, and, at the end, it's finally managed to make me think that i'll probably miss this place. but not for any real good reason--the classes here were good, albeit mediocre at times; the people here were nice, although ridiculously work-driven and socially inept at times; the weather was wonderful most of the time... no, i think i'll miss it because for the last few years (not all five, mind you), stanford became a simulacrum of home. it's familiar now, much like my parents' place is, and so i think i will become schoolsick at least once in the next few months. lord knows there have been times where i just wanted to go back during the summer, but couldn't because classes hadn't started yet.

i will miss people. it still hasn't sunk in that i'm gone. leaving. never coming back, or at least not for a while. and if/when i do, it'll be under different circumstances. i'm out of school, i'm supposed to be making a life. finding a husband, having children...at least that's the vision from the olden days. now, it's find a job, gain some capital, find someone to share your life until you get tired of them or they get tired of you, and then you can move on. my parents are getting older, my grandfathers have both died...i can only imagine how much sorrow the next couple of decades will contain. hopefully, it'll be balanced out by happiness. after all, if you don't have happiness, life really isn't worth living. whatever. i'll find my way somehow.

the grad party today was a bit on the adult side, and i got bored. and cold. and tired. thanks to nancy and her family for throwing it, it was a great success. i just wasn't so much in a gathering mood, and graduation isn't so much a celebration for me. stanford happened, it ate 5 years of my life, but i do'nt feel like i learned anything. maybe i should feel like i did, but ...eh. not a big deal.

said goodbye to duchess tonight; i may see her tomorrow, but i doubt it. she's so awesome, and i'm sad to leave her. so it goes. onwards, eh?