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prismakaosOh, the past, it is trying to swallow me whole this week. Currently, talking on aim to two people from high school and two people that i've known for eight years. The Stanford boys are nowhere to be seen (I'll bbl...much later), and it might seem as if my plan to "stop mooning over the Stanford boys and start concentrating on my academics" might work. But, no, the gods are malicious. "Stanford guys?" they ask. "We don't see any Stanford guys...but how about the guys NOT at Stanford...?" Oh, and the maniacal laughter ensues.
The ex I was talking to managed to tell me I was hot (as judged from the epic larp pics (www.stanford.edu/~dcblack/epiclarp)), and that I should come and visit him in PA. He wants to show off his theater, and I haven't seen him in a while, and it'll be awesome to see him. We're trying to schedule for sometime in October, when he has a long weekend, and I...well, okay. So I'm taking ME 203, which might eat my life, so this won't work anyhow, but the thought is good. And at least he doesn't hate me anymore.
And my great guy friend (and also an ex) just broke up with his current girlfriend. Which is excellent. Since she's nice, but not someone I would want to date.
Randomly visiting a high school friend on Friday, and staying the night...she's awesome, and is finally happy...
And tomorrow, i'm making the trip into Boston, to see an old friend from Harvard for lunch, possibly see my cousin, possibly see another friend from MIT, and then go see another ex, and spend the night with him. As Lesley says, apparently, I'm "heading for a little hanky panky in Beantown," but I'll be surprised if it happens. It's been weird between us since we broke up two years ago. Too much history and not enough talking and way the hell too many damn masks.
I mean, that's really the thing, isn't it? Friendship is about dropping the masks that you present to the real world. Hell, I hide so much more than I used to...I picked it up while dating a guy whose main descriptor was "stoic." It just frustrates me when my guys put up masks when they're around me. Why the fuck isn't he who i remember him being?! What happened?
::sighs:: And that right there is why i hate blogs. One whines and whines and then other people get to read it, and you think to yourself, now...did they really need to know/care about any of that?
I wanna go back to Stanford where it's all a helluva lot simpler. And my past doesn't haunt me. Or something.
This is one of those nights a walk to the Gates of Hell would solve.
The ex I was talking to managed to tell me I was hot (as judged from the epic larp pics (www.stanford.edu/~dcblack/epiclarp)), and that I should come and visit him in PA. He wants to show off his theater, and I haven't seen him in a while, and it'll be awesome to see him. We're trying to schedule for sometime in October, when he has a long weekend, and I...well, okay. So I'm taking ME 203, which might eat my life, so this won't work anyhow, but the thought is good. And at least he doesn't hate me anymore.
And my great guy friend (and also an ex) just broke up with his current girlfriend. Which is excellent. Since she's nice, but not someone I would want to date.
Randomly visiting a high school friend on Friday, and staying the night...she's awesome, and is finally happy...
And tomorrow, i'm making the trip into Boston, to see an old friend from Harvard for lunch, possibly see my cousin, possibly see another friend from MIT, and then go see another ex, and spend the night with him. As Lesley says, apparently, I'm "heading for a little hanky panky in Beantown," but I'll be surprised if it happens. It's been weird between us since we broke up two years ago. Too much history and not enough talking and way the hell too many damn masks.
I mean, that's really the thing, isn't it? Friendship is about dropping the masks that you present to the real world. Hell, I hide so much more than I used to...I picked it up while dating a guy whose main descriptor was "stoic." It just frustrates me when my guys put up masks when they're around me. Why the fuck isn't he who i remember him being?! What happened?
::sighs:: And that right there is why i hate blogs. One whines and whines and then other people get to read it, and you think to yourself, now...did they really need to know/care about any of that?
I wanna go back to Stanford where it's all a helluva lot simpler. And my past doesn't haunt me. Or something.
This is one of those nights a walk to the Gates of Hell would solve.
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Date: 2008-03-10 05:03 am (UTC)masks. masks hide things from view. people who hide things are insecure or dishonest. bah. i was insecure =P was. no more. i am what i am. everyone sees who i am, no one makes false ideas of who i am, what i feel, what i believe. all that touchy feely stuff about two-way communication and honesty being important in dealings with other people actually turned out to be true. too bad i learned the hard way. (did i really learn it?)
i believe i am tired now =P
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Date: 2008-03-10 05:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-10 05:03 am (UTC)