prismakaos: (Default)
Someone once told me that I have a love/hate relationship with everything in my life. The more I think about it, the more I think that they're right. And then I get angry at myself for being that way. I wonder if it's not just love/hate, but a series of diametrically opposed feelings. Too much looking back, not enough looking forward. I think I just want it all. On a silver platter. Handed to me by hot naked men. There should probably be hand-peeled grapes somewhere too. This paragraph ended up in a different place than I intended.

Today is brought to you by the number two.

Count the fishies! One fish, two fish... Two fish, ah ah ah. Saturn and Neptune are all that's left of the United Federation of Planets And Two Outliers. I wish I could say they were Pluto and Alpha Centauri, but alas, the luck did not hold. But that is okay. At least two survived the Russian roulette that was my tank for a while.

Count the number of hours past midnight Inga slept! One hour, two hours... Two hours, ah ah ah. Why the hell was I up at two? Because I'd gone to bed at nine, and I had work to do. So I watched Harry Potter 1 + 2 and reviewed lotsa websites for 3.5 hours before coming into work. Happily, the energy has held. Perhaps due to the fact that my lunch was literally 15 minutes long, most of which was waiting in line. This implies Many Things Are Afoot.

Today is also brought to you by the letter C.

This Saturday was painting a Condo. Or at least the trim around the doorframes. There was also Chipotle sauce and Chicken mole burritos. Sunday was going to the City to eat Chinese food -- dim sum -- with Chopsticks. I got to take the Caltrain and discovered the local Coffee shop near the millbrae Caltrain stop. So, there was also a bookstore shop and I read several Chapters of two books before deciding to buy them and a CD. One book was on Cars. I used a pair of Coupons, so it didn't Cost as much as it would have. Then I went grocery shopping and bought Chicken and Cheese and Ciabatta bread and Cherry yogurt. Then I went home and ate an ice Cream sandwich.

Today is further brought you by the number 13.25, which is the number of hours that I have worked today.

And on that note, I'm out to go rampage like any CG Fang dragon would. With dignity, honor, and a fearsome treasure lust. Rawr.
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If anyone ever asks how music can be your boyfriend, just send them this link: (warning, semi-nsfw, but tasteful. ish.)

Today, I cleaned, bought a caltrain pass, avoided temptation, played nice, and made appearances. I think this is probably a good thing. I've noticed, however, that I'm developing a "party" persona, who takes over my body and expressions whenever I'm going to be around groups of people, or people I don't know well. She's cheerful and bouncy and reminds me oddly of Lesley. Also, she talks a lot about herself. I'm not really sure whether I'm okay with this. I'd honestly rather listen to other people's problems, or talk about some random idea anyway. I just can't seem to come up with topics of conversation which allow me to have any sort of back and forth.

New Year's Resolutions:
1) Don't be afraid to make mistakes. If you end up looking like a fool, you end up looking like a fool, and several days later, you'll laugh about it just as hard as everyone else does. As Tommy in Risky Business says, "Sometimes you just have to say "what the fuck" and make your move. What the fuck gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future." That is, try new things.
2) People are good. Friends are better. You can never have enough friends, and you should strive to keep the ones you have.
2a) Family are the friends you can't get rid of. Remember that and appreciate it more.
3) If you get around to it, exercise. Having endurance is good for more than one thing. Remember to eat better in any case, even if exercise fails you.
4) Be careful of what you do and say. People can get the wrong impression. If you think it's a bad idea, it probably is. You are defined in part by your past actions, and you never really know who's watching/reading.
5) Alcohol is fine. With dinner. In small quantities.
6) The Small-Cobey uncertainty principle and corollary remains in effect. Stop trying to game the system. It's like trying to find a particle and know how fast it's going at the same time. Doesn't work.
7) Feeling things means you're human. Don't try to not feel. This may be related to #1.
8) Love yourself before you try to love someone else. They aren't a substitute for things you feel you lack. And you aren't a substitute for things they feel they lack.

They're not really measurable. I could succeed or fail at any of these and twist it so it looked like I failed or succeeded. But they're resolutions, of a kind. At least, good things to think about?
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Working in New York is always odd. I wear heels and dress pants and nice sweaters, and get up half an hour earlier than I would normally just so I can look prettier/my hair can dry. This is kind of different than my rolling out of bed, taking a shower, throwing on a pair of jeans and whatever tshirt I happen to grab from my closet, grabbing a jacket and running out of my door. I'm not sure which one I prefer more. On the one hand, additional sleep; on the other, putting on some dressy clothes makes that whole work-life division that much clearer. I stay more focused.

In any case! New York, as always, is awesome. I'm still in love with this city, and the office here is very nice. I got to hang out with some of the engineers and that was particularly joyous. Also, my hotel room is very large, has a nice kitchen, and decent water pressure. If I could kick the last vestiges of this cold, I'd be really happy.

Thing I'm happy about: It's supposed to be warm and sunny here today.
Thing I'm less happy about: OMG, stupid cold. I sound like a sniffly five year old.
Thing I'm working on: Remembering to set up meetings with all those people I should really set up meetings with.
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I was very unmotivated yesterday -- I think the rain dampened my spirits. Whatever the case, I ended up spending ~90% of the day in my apartment, alternately watching Deep Space 9 Season 1, reading a book, and staring at various lyrics online. I didn't actually leave the house until 10pm, when I was invited to go play board games at Green & Brown's, so I went over and we played Monopoly. I know, group of 5 gamers, and we decide to play Monopoly! Weird. In all fairness, there was a tiebreaker between Monopoly and Apples to Apples. No one had played Monopoly in a really long time, so it was kind of fun...

I honestly can't remember the last time I played Monopoly. I feel like it must have been sometime during freshman year of college or the summer after, but I can only remember playing Monopoly in Saudi with Kati. We'd eat cheese puff balls, read Calvin and Hobbes, and play epic games of Monopoly. I used to always play with the horse and cowboy when I was little, so that was my piece of choice. Anyway, David took an early lead, but by the end of it, I had rent immunity on enough properties and had enough well placed properties of my own that I ended up with total assets of over $16,000. Which is a lot of money in Monopoly, but not as much in real life. I doubt somehow I'd be able to build a house for $50, even if it were on Connecticut Ave. In any case, the game was relatively short (aka, 3 hours) since David and I decided not to duke it out after the other three players went bankrupt, but then there was some Smash and I didn't get home until 330am.

I love watching Smash. I have no idea why. I don't really have any interest in playing it, but it's fun to watch. This is odd, since I didn't play any of the games that the characters are from, so I'm constantly asking, "Who's that? What's that stage from?" Anyway, it reminds me of my last year at Stanford and going over to EAST and hanging out with various people in the lounge playing Smash. I don't really miss being in college, but I really miss having the ability to be online at 3am and find someone else to hang out with who's a five minute walk away. And how large group things just kind of materialized of their own accord -- now it's all about the planning. Ah, we could go here, we could do this, etc etc. Which reminds me, I should try and organize a Girls' Day with the few in-the-area girls and go up to the city or down to Santa Cruz or something.

Thing I'm happy about: sleeping in until 1145. Sleep is fantastic. Also, digestive biscuits with nutella are AWESOME for breakfast.
Thing I'm less happy about: This cold. It was supposed to clear up rapidly, but it seems to be hanging on a week later.
Thing I'm working on: Errands and packing. I'm going to NYC tomorrow night for a week...
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Every time I read about dinosaurs, I kind of want to quit my job, sell my stuff, and move to Montana to go dig them up. It's the same kind of feeling I get when I read about Egyptian artifacts, tho at least Egypt would be warmer.
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I need an adventure. Something new to do, somewhere new to go. I'm getting restless and that's rarely a good sign.
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is it bad that i've had an "angst" tag for about a year longer than i've had a "happy" tag?

most of my entries are pretty happy, except when i was talking about school, i guess. i'm having fun re-reading some of these old entries.

i also decided that i have an "i ate toast" blog. i'm really okay with that, honestly, since it means that not many people will actually pay that much attention to it. someone asked me for the address to this blog, and then lost interest when i said that i updated generally daily with really really short entries. yes, amusing.
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Drinking iced coffee, while sitting in the middle of a heretofore unknown coffee shop, with an auspicious name resembling a famous poem by Mary Howitt, and discussing the downfalls of Objectivism as portrayed by Ayn Rand while attempting to make sense of the lyrical graffiti scribbled all over the walls of said coffee shop, is a pretty good way to have dinner. There was unspectacular food also involved, but it was more or less only body fuel and not relevant.

It also calls for an interesting (and yet not unreasonable) comparison to Conan's Pizza, which, in deference to its namesake, has laminated pictures and story snippets from some of Robert E. Howard's most read stories. Also had a truck driven through it at some point. All I could think while I was there was, "Dad and Jamie would LOVE this place." And then I got massively homesick. Really good pizza, though.

Starting thinking about going back to school to get another degree. Now if I can only figure out in what... CS is a little above my reach, methinks, but perhaps business or law... Maybe not law, now that I'm remembering the days that my brother spent locked in the back bedroom, studying for the bar, coming out only for tuna fish sandwiches and Dr. Pepper. And the look that he shot Lesley as he said "Never become a lawyer." You want terror? That was it, boys and girls.

Leaving tomorrow, back to the Bay Area. Don't wait up.
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I really just said, "I swear, I get most of my best work done lying on my back in my bed," and meant it. We'll just ignore the massive innuendo here and move on rapidly to things involving how much I'd like to be sleeping right now.

It's a really really strong desire, this sleep thing, based on the fact that I got approximately 2 hours of sleep, a 6 hour break, and then an additional 3 hours of sleep. Don't try this at home, kids. Trained professionals only.

People are crazy. Sleep debt is not a new experience, but intentionally accumulating it in order to try new things? Generally not worth it, in my book. But on the other hand, I love my sleep since I get so little of it.

Tequila shots tonight and then possibly WoW, and I'm already cranky from lack of sleep. Should prove... "interesting."
prismakaos: (books)
Today, I was glad to discover a couple of things:

1) No matter how much time you spend talking to people or trying to understand them, inevitably you will be surprised by them. In some cases, more than once.

2) There are still people in the world who believe very strongly in the success and brilliance of love, and who are not necessarily jaded by whatever situations they might have been in before you knew them or after you lost them.

Both of these things makes me quite happy, even though I'm not sure that I fall into either category. It's just good to know that things like Truth, Love & Beauty still exist as ideals and that people are very different on an individual basis.

In completely unrelated news, I had an awesome dinner at Kaygetsu, which consisted of 6 courses of unidentifiable foods and fantastic tastes and much green tea. I had spent a good few hours stressing about what I was going to wear, how/whether to do my hair, how/whether to put on makeup, and other things, before watching a couple episodes of season four of Buffy (yes, I have seen all of it more than once but I'm rewatching it) and forgetting to be stressed until about 10 minutes before I had to leave. Thank goodness for skillz which allow me to get ready and look good within 10-15 minutes.

I also realized, after some conversation, that I'm vaguely addicted to my Livejournal and that I tend to write in it more than is good for me. Of course, this isn't actually reflected in my entries, given that I spend a lot of time thinking about what I'm going to write, deciding how much information I want to divulge, and then writing whatever part of it I feel like I can write, sometimes expounding further in a friends-locked post. (Though, as you may have noticed, I don't like friends-locked posts much.) Usually, I get the urge to post something 2 or 3 times a day, but generally restrain myself to posting once every 2 or 3 days.

Henry is safe in Texas -- I know this because I called him and he picked up. I thought, for whatever reason, that he was two hours behind (so calling him at midnight my time wouldn't be so late for him), but, as it turns out, he's two hours ahead. And now much less well-rested. Sorry, Henry.

I have also added large amounts of things to my Amazon wishlist. And I kind of wonder when I think I'll be able to afford the complete Star Trek seasons of the original series, the Next Generation, and Deep Space Nine, as well as the whole set of movies. In the meanwhile, I kind of also need to get Buffy 5-7 and Angel 3-5. It's a pity that my birthday is so close to Christmas. Although I don't get any fewer presents, I only get them once a year...

I also kind of want to go and buy an entire new wardrobe, with shoes and everything. I've recently had an increasing urge to become more girly. I don't think this will actually happen, although I should probably go buy another pair of flat shoes (maybe puma SpeedCats or more ballet flats) and maybe a pair of peeptoe pumps.

I have at least two snails in my tank. One of them is named Sparky. I think the other is Trouble, both in name and in actuality. Apparently, snails are hermaphroditic, so can produce without a mate. And apparently, they do this often enough to take over the tank. I have experience with this, actually, since I found one snail in the morning, and twelve hours later, there were two of them. Coincidence? I think not. I have to figure out what to do about them, although the internet tells me that most snails are generally beneficial to the tank.

Finally, I realized that it was the last week in July, which means that Summer is nearly 2/3 over. This is both sad (end of summer) and good (beginning of pumpkin pie and a return of Christmas music). Also, at the end of September, my parents will have been married for exactly 40 years. My dad wants to go watch a large quantity of P-51 Mustangs take to the air in Ohio, but I'm not sure we'll be able to all make it out there for that. And it's no fun without all of us.

As part of summer going away, Formula 1 season is also drawing to a close, with Louis Hamilton, the rookie, in the lead for the Championship. Will Kimi, Alonso, or Massa be able to steal his early lead? Only time (and the remaining races) will tell.

If this were the normal size of my LJ braindumps, would you really want to read two or three of them every day? Yeah, I wouldn't, either.
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[11:09] David Green: you can care about a person more than the fate of the world and still be lawful right? Alignment discussion )

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re: Europe. I'm okay if they take all my money for taxes, if they give me free chocolate. (note the highly relevant google ads the bottom)

dear god, i <3 european candy. Even the weather's not too too bad.

also, why did livejournal create an IM service that allows us to post to our blogs from IM. Don't they think this is a *bad* idea? I do. I mean, what if i get angry at someone I'm talking to, and I post the contents of our personal conversations online. Easy to do, right? Copy in one window, open another, paste, click send, you're all done. creepy.
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god, i love germany SO much, you have no idea. if i could move anywhere in the world, it'd probably be germany. like seriously.

while this isn't the reason, it's pretty funny.

germany also has good music, stories, and goth culture.
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Today has been totally confusing. Well, okay, not so much with the confusion as high in wtf-quotient and semi-lost 'well, huh.'

- Last night, around midnight (which is why it's still considered part of today), I came home to find my clock blinking 1:29 at me. Apparently, while I had been out, the power had gone away for a few hours and had only recently came back on. This is odd only because I live in Menlo Park, where it is so yuppie that the power going out rarely happens. But, nevertheless, I went to bed and had dreams of amorphous bizarreness.

- I woke up this morning to the sound of pouring rain. Made my way to the caltrain and was, as max put it, fracking soaked, and yes, I mean fracking. Six minutes later, several miles south, I was in Mountain View, where the sun was shining and the birds were chirping merrily. And so I went to work, completely drenched, and everyone looked at me as if I had taken my shower with my clothes on because my coworkers were completely dry. It's like I had my own personal rain cloud or something, invisible to everyone else.

- Work was unexceptional, except for a rather odd conversation wherein someone tried to convince me that I owed it to them to take them out to celebrate the fact that he recently became a fulltime employee. The conversation ran something to the effect of 'I'm leaving at 4 precisely unless you're willing to go out for a celebratory dinner.' 'But I'm broke, and going out for a dinner to celebrate your promotion where you ended up paying wouldn't be much of a celebratory dinner.' 'Ah, yes, I see.' An hour later, at 5pm, 'Well, I've waited around this long, so are you ready to go?' ' I said I was *broke*. No money.' (Did he miss this somewhere earlier when I said I was broke?) 'Oh, well, I'm so glad I waited around for you then.' 'I was under this impression that if I didn't agree to go to dinner, you'd split.' And now he's not talking to me...

- I came home, interested in a little dinner involving meat. I went to my fridge, opened it, and noticed a rather odd smell, like leftover Chinese. 'That's odd, I don't remember taking home any Chinese food any time recently.' And there it was, a bag full of left over Chinese food, sitting there as if it had always been there. I opened it. It had tofu in sauce. Of all the things in the world I will not order an entire dish of, tofu is definitely one of them. This was *not* my Chinese food...but it was in my fridge. And I have no idea where it came from or when it showed up. But it looked rather old, so it got tossed. Apologies if anyone wanted it back...

- I can hardly wait to see what happens later tonight. Maybe pigs will fly through my window.


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December 2011

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