prismakaos: (Default)
If anyone ever asks how music can be your boyfriend, just send them this link: (warning, semi-nsfw, but tasteful. ish.)

Today, I cleaned, bought a caltrain pass, avoided temptation, played nice, and made appearances. I think this is probably a good thing. I've noticed, however, that I'm developing a "party" persona, who takes over my body and expressions whenever I'm going to be around groups of people, or people I don't know well. She's cheerful and bouncy and reminds me oddly of Lesley. Also, she talks a lot about herself. I'm not really sure whether I'm okay with this. I'd honestly rather listen to other people's problems, or talk about some random idea anyway. I just can't seem to come up with topics of conversation which allow me to have any sort of back and forth.

New Year's Resolutions:
1) Don't be afraid to make mistakes. If you end up looking like a fool, you end up looking like a fool, and several days later, you'll laugh about it just as hard as everyone else does. As Tommy in Risky Business says, "Sometimes you just have to say "what the fuck" and make your move. What the fuck gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future." That is, try new things.
2) People are good. Friends are better. You can never have enough friends, and you should strive to keep the ones you have.
2a) Family are the friends you can't get rid of. Remember that and appreciate it more.
3) If you get around to it, exercise. Having endurance is good for more than one thing. Remember to eat better in any case, even if exercise fails you.
4) Be careful of what you do and say. People can get the wrong impression. If you think it's a bad idea, it probably is. You are defined in part by your past actions, and you never really know who's watching/reading.
5) Alcohol is fine. With dinner. In small quantities.
6) The Small-Cobey uncertainty principle and corollary remains in effect. Stop trying to game the system. It's like trying to find a particle and know how fast it's going at the same time. Doesn't work.
7) Feeling things means you're human. Don't try to not feel. This may be related to #1.
8) Love yourself before you try to love someone else. They aren't a substitute for things you feel you lack. And you aren't a substitute for things they feel they lack.

They're not really measurable. I could succeed or fail at any of these and twist it so it looked like I failed or succeeded. But they're resolutions, of a kind. At least, good things to think about?
prismakaos: (Default)
New Year's Resolutions (for now):

1) exercise or do something else where i can't think about work.
2) look forward, not backwards. that way, i see where i'm going, not where i've been.
3) love my friends. appreciate them more. love my family. appreciate them more.
4) commit to work, love, and intelligent curiosities.
5) figure out what i'm doing next year. five years. ten years (actually, that i know - getting engaged, if i'm not already).
6) think about what i say before i say it and how other people will react. react, think, then speak.
7) enjoy life like halcyon and lihiara enjoy theirs.

if i can get half of these done, i will have considered this year to be a success... i didn't make resolutions last year, so i can't grade myself on them.
prismakaos: (Default)
today, i am happy about: the fact that i've mangaged to keep this happy/less happy/wish for thing each day for the last 20 days. it's pretty impressive, considering how unable i am to commit to anything else. i am also happy about seeing fantastic molly from work and her fantastic girlfriend ariel (AR-ee-ell, not air-ee-ell); it's funny because i hadn't really hung out with molly outside of work until today. thus, we had to travel 3000 miles to get together outside of work. we're silly, but how is this unusual?

today, i am less happy about: stuff which i'm not going to really talk about here, due to its ridiculously personal nature. what i can say is that i really hate people who don't make a decision, due to the eight million reasons to not make a decision, namely, that it's easier not to. unfortunately, that leads to not bettering your position. but whatever! it's not my choice.

today, i wish that: i could put aside my own ego and my own best intentions and figure out what's going on. whatever.


prismakaos: (Default)

December 2011

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