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I have no idea what the hell day it is anymore. I'm not even sure what it is that I'm supposed to be eating or if I'm supposed to be eating if I'm not hungry. My entire life is trying to revolve around two different things (aka, social life and work life), and it's getting terribly confused given that parts of my social life has moved up to the city.

And sometimes, I really don't want to do work, so I'll stay out until 1045pm just to watch Forbidden Kingdom*, telling myself that I'll go home and finish that project, even though I know I won't. I'll just go to sleep, and wake up in the morning and dread going into work and stress stress stress about it because I haven't finished that thing and begin wondering why I frittered away my weekend having adventures in the city with the 38 Geary and BLT sandwiches instead of being A Good Employee and working instead.

The unhappy result of which is waking up at 5am with a migraine**. Which suitably knocked me out for a good several hours today and made me miss this Really Important Meeting (tm), but whatever.

*This was fun, kind of a silly movie, but the fight scene between Jackie Chan and Jet Li is AWESOME, and I died laughing during the training bits.
**This was less fun.
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Despite my happy posting earlier today, I am, in fact, in a bad mood. It's unclear WHY I'm in a bad mood, although I'd guess lack of sleep and general irritation at life may be to blame. I've eaten, so at least I know I'm not suffering from low blood sugar, but damn. I've had a headache for four days running, I'm still coughing, I have to clean my apartment, and there's a cocktail party tonight at which I need to look stunning. WHINE WHINE WHINE.

I feel pretty.
Oh so pretty.
I feel pretty and witty and gay!
And I pity
any girl who isn't me today.
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Someone once told me that I have a love/hate relationship with everything in my life. The more I think about it, the more I think that they're right. And then I get angry at myself for being that way. I wonder if it's not just love/hate, but a series of diametrically opposed feelings. Too much looking back, not enough looking forward. I think I just want it all. On a silver platter. Handed to me by hot naked men. There should probably be hand-peeled grapes somewhere too. This paragraph ended up in a different place than I intended.

Today is brought to you by the number two.

Count the fishies! One fish, two fish... Two fish, ah ah ah. Saturn and Neptune are all that's left of the United Federation of Planets And Two Outliers. I wish I could say they were Pluto and Alpha Centauri, but alas, the luck did not hold. But that is okay. At least two survived the Russian roulette that was my tank for a while.

Count the number of hours past midnight Inga slept! One hour, two hours... Two hours, ah ah ah. Why the hell was I up at two? Because I'd gone to bed at nine, and I had work to do. So I watched Harry Potter 1 + 2 and reviewed lotsa websites for 3.5 hours before coming into work. Happily, the energy has held. Perhaps due to the fact that my lunch was literally 15 minutes long, most of which was waiting in line. This implies Many Things Are Afoot.

Today is also brought to you by the letter C.

This Saturday was painting a Condo. Or at least the trim around the doorframes. There was also Chipotle sauce and Chicken mole burritos. Sunday was going to the City to eat Chinese food -- dim sum -- with Chopsticks. I got to take the Caltrain and discovered the local Coffee shop near the millbrae Caltrain stop. So, there was also a bookstore shop and I read several Chapters of two books before deciding to buy them and a CD. One book was on Cars. I used a pair of Coupons, so it didn't Cost as much as it would have. Then I went grocery shopping and bought Chicken and Cheese and Ciabatta bread and Cherry yogurt. Then I went home and ate an ice Cream sandwich.

Today is further brought you by the number 13.25, which is the number of hours that I have worked today.

And on that note, I'm out to go rampage like any CG Fang dragon would. With dignity, honor, and a fearsome treasure lust. Rawr.
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Really, I should start this (and every?) entry like this: "OMG, NO ONE LOVES ME. I'm so alone and unloved and unwanted and as terribly overweight as a bloated beached whale. And, some other angsty stuff."

At least, that would be true, if I listened to dB. But since I'm not listening to him (LALALA, NOT LISTENING (at least on this point)), this entry will be full of light and princesses. Actually, I'm lying. That's all the light and princesses you get.

So I got those pictures developed. They were very odd and consisted of Fleet Week from 2005, Halloween from 2005, my apartment when I first moved in, and a picture of a brachiosaurus in the Chicago airport. Not worth digitizing, but worth developing the film.

Thing I am happy about: 3 day week! Lots of stuff to get done, but it's better to be busy than bored.
Thing I am less happy about: Again, it seems like a win-win day. Something will probably happen to change my mind on my way home, but until then...
Thing I am working on: Finishing up that work that I was looking at. Also, figuring out what I'm going to wear to the holiday party. Suggestions?
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Happy November 1! It's the beginning of NaNoWriMo (for more, go to! It's the beginning of the end of the quarter! As I keep mentioning, for the last two Novembers, I've written things that I am happy about as a way to increase my overall happiness.

Well. Lately, I've been rather unhappy. October was going so well and then it basically all fell apart. My job isn't quite where I want it to be, my love life is confused and angsty (but not good angst -- I'd be okay with good angst), I'm not sleeping well (again, even though I'm not drinking much caffeine), and it's getting colder.

On the flipside, my pilot light has stayed lit for a while, and my fish are good (thanks for asking). You may remember back at the beginning of the month, I said my fish were sick and likely to die ( Well, I was wrong. Really wrong. Pluto recovered. While Pluto was suffering from what I now believe is body fungus, Earth developed ridiculous mouth fungus, but recovered. Usually, when fish get mouth fungus badly enough that bits of their body start rotting off, they die within a matter of days. But, no, Earth used the heater to try and restrain the infection, and eventually I got my stuff in gear, cleaned the tank, and added salt, which fixed a lot of the issues. So, now everyone seems to be fine. I went over to Michelle's the other day and visited their father and sister, both of whom are much bigger than my guys are. I may need to get a bigger tank.

Thing I am happy about: talking to Ryan again. I determined that deliberately ignoring a problem actually makes it worse and more consuming because you feel guilty when you start thinking about it.
Thing I am less happy about: my smoke detector. It has developed a rather annoying habit of beeping at me at 3 in the morning. I believe that it needs its batteries changed.
Thing that I am working on: finding (appropriate) humor in situations.
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Halloween was less Halloweeny than ever this year. I think I'm getting too old.

I have new shoes. They're flat. I may need to start buying shorter jeans, since even the regular length jeans seem to be ridiculously long.

Tomorrow is the first day of November, and then several people have birthdays. Whoo birthdays. They're all older than me, so I'm happy about it. :)

It's been a sucky week, and it's only Wednesday. I can only imagine what Thursday and Friday have left to throw onto my plate.

Onwards to a new month, a new outlook, and several weeks of busy-ness.
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This entry consists of hastily-written bad love poetry, as written by Vanya Firesinger to Iveran Nightwing. For more context, this is from the WoW campaign that Sarah was running (f-locked wherein my character (night elf tinker named Vanya Firesinger, abused as a child, given over to the Cult of the Damned, and generally crazy) fell in (lust|love|obsession) with Iveran Nightwing (a druid working for a different evil cult, who had a propensity for turning into a raven and being generally snarky, but couldn't hold his alcohol). After failing to complete her ultimate goal, she went back to work as a tinker for the Cult, and sent him bad and somewhat creepy love poetry. See below. )
prismakaos: (shoot)
I get so impatient waiting for people to respond to IMs. I see the little "[screenname] is typing..." and I'm like "C'mon, c'mon!!! Hurry up."

So to pass the time, I write LJ entries like this one. Write, write, write. I SHOULD be watching Death Note epi 2 so I can go to bed and curl in my covers and sleep, but instead, I'm not. This is mainly coz I'm watching the epis on the TV, but trying to have a conversation means that I can't actually read whatever they're writing. Apparently, my TV operates in 480x640 resolution. Who knew.

Actually, I lied. The conversation is more or less easy to read on the screen. I just have to squint a little bit. S-video cable is the OMGBESTESTTHINGEVAR.

Although, don't even get me started on Fry's. Their audio cable section makes baby Jesus cry. I swear, trying to find a headphone extension cord was impossible. I eventually ended up with a male to male 1/8" cord, a female 1/8" to male RCA connector, a female to female RCA connector, a second male RCA to female 1/8" and a pair of headphones to extend them. At that point, I threw up my hands and went to Radio Shack, where they had a headphone extension cord. Frankenjacks make me really really sad. SO INELEGANT!!! Which just goes to prove my point - never go to Fry's when you can go to Radio Shack for the same thing. Costs a little more, but at least it makes more sense. And actually, all the stuff combined that I would have had to buy from Fry's added up to more than what I ended up buying.

Tragically, I also go to bed too early. Or something. I hate it when I have a completely different schedule than most other people I know. When people say "Hey, let's hang out!" and it's 9pm, my initial reaction is, "But, I was about to go to bed." When did I get so old?

Other things...started watching Death Note, I like it so far. If you haven't seen it, go check it out - it reminds me oddly enough of the way The-Guy-Who-Did-Princess-Mononoke-et-al presented things. Or maybe it's just good anime and, having never really been exposed to it, I'm easily impressed.

I could have been married to a buffle-brained prince by now and had several buffle-brained children! (Which is a paraphrase/quote from a book that I read the other day...)
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So, my shopping rant. I promised one, so here it is. In my trying on of over 40 pairs of jeans (no exaggeration), I found one that fit properly. One. Most of my shopping was done at the gap, so there are 6 different styles (Classic, Essential, Flare, Bootcut, Long and Lean, and Curvy), in which I need to try on at least two sizes, and all the rinses (average of about 3 per style) are a different cut within the same style. So 6x2x3 = 36 PLUS whatever additional sales jeans I found, jeans at J.Crew, and jeans at Macy's. Not to mention the trying on the pairs which fit several times to make sure that they fit better than the others. By the time I got to Express, I looked at the jeans and ran screaming.

Also, shoes this season are really ugly. I can't deal with peep toed flats or ankle high lace up bootie things. And everything's really shiny - like, actually shiny and plastic, instead of Firefly shiny, which would be good. Though, I did covet a pair of red shiny opentoed pumps and also some Puma shoes, but decided that these were cooler.

In other news, I'm likely buying a digital piano keyboard. It's admittedly not that impressive as a keyboard, but [ profile] onetruedavid, the resident keyboard snob, tried the same model at Guitar Center yesterday and it didn't burn him. One of my coworkers is offering it for a small discount, so I'd probably buy it from him, since it has the benefit of 1) being cheaper; 2) coming with a stand; and 3) coming with a little bench.

Oh, and the big, news-related thing... And I'm totally drinking champagne right now.
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The Conqueror Worm, a poem by Poe )

Ah, cheerful Friday, how doth you grin.
prismakaos: (Default)
Three important rules for breaking up
Don't put off breaking up when you know you want to
Prolonging the situation only makes it worse
Tell him honestly, simply, kindly, but firmly
Don't make a big production
Don't make up an elaborate story
This will help you avoid a big tear jerking scene
If you wanna date other people say so
Be prepared for the boy to feel hurt and rejected
Even if you've gone together for only a short time,
And haven't been too serious,
There's still a feeling of rejection
When someone says she prefers the company of others
To your exclusive company,
But if you're honest, and direct,
And avoid making a flowery emotional speech when you break the news,
The boy will respect you for your frankness,
And honestly he'll apeciate the kind of straight foward manner
In which you told him your decision
Unless he's a real jerk or a cry baby you will remain friends
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With the approach of spring, the passing of Valentine's Day, and the release of various new dance singles, I find myself, as always around this time of year, with a strong desire to get into trouble. It's a bit on the problematic side, since, as far as I can tell, the ups are much less than the downs.

But, I'm not big on screwing things up, unless I'm intentionally not thinking. I'm just sort of feeling the pull of whimsy, and it's not doing me any good. What to say, what not to say, what not to say and just do instead -- so many choices...the mood and music dictates a lot of what I feel.

Although I really do love dancing, even if the music is somewhat simple and repetitive. Makes the best dance stuff anyway.
prismakaos: (Default)
hello. i am terribly busy. they raised the rent on my apartment by 25 dollars. i was outraged by the raise, and then i noticed that it was less than 3% of my current rent, so i was sort of like, "I'm so ang...wait, I can't really argue with that. I spend more on coffee per month than my rent raise."

3 days, but no new york. so it's really like...hmm...10.5 days at home! :) with associated drama. :( sometimes, people forget they're not in junior high school anymore.

on the other hand, i am all grown up and can associate with whomever i want, especially when they have been friends of mine for 11 years. ELEVEN YEARS, almost HALF my life. You are but a speck in the timeline of my consciousness, even though you don't like me very much, for more reasons that you have yet told me. Frankly, I don't think I'd care, but you're dating a good friend of mine, and apparently were crushing on an ex. Ah, what tangled webs we weave...
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today, I am happy about: a return to normalcy. i won't spend half my day sleeping or keeping busy until he calls - i'll actually get paid for it. ALSO. I am likely coming home for Christmas, which is unusual, since we usually go to Ohio. Of course, now that I've said that, I'll end up going to Ohio anyway.

today, I am less happy about: going back to california. i mean, i love california, but again, so far away from MA.

today, I wish that: I could go back in time til last night, and relive those moments a few more times.
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today, I am happy about: lj's ability to back date entries. :) Also, going to bookstores and buying cds. coz it's ironic.

today, I am less happy about: OMG, SO PATHETIC. Also, thanksgiving shoppers are insane.

today, i wish that: he would call me. but what else is new?
prismakaos: (Default)
today, i am happy about: the fact that i've mangaged to keep this happy/less happy/wish for thing each day for the last 20 days. it's pretty impressive, considering how unable i am to commit to anything else. i am also happy about seeing fantastic molly from work and her fantastic girlfriend ariel (AR-ee-ell, not air-ee-ell); it's funny because i hadn't really hung out with molly outside of work until today. thus, we had to travel 3000 miles to get together outside of work. we're silly, but how is this unusual?

today, i am less happy about: stuff which i'm not going to really talk about here, due to its ridiculously personal nature. what i can say is that i really hate people who don't make a decision, due to the eight million reasons to not make a decision, namely, that it's easier not to. unfortunately, that leads to not bettering your position. but whatever! it's not my choice.

today, i wish that: i could put aside my own ego and my own best intentions and figure out what's going on. whatever.
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today, i am happy about: the fact that it's friday! (were you really expecting something else? if(ans="yes") {printf "silly readers..."}) Means I get to go home. Means I get to see Jer. Means I get to NOT DO WORK!

today, i am less happy about: the fact that it's friday! (were you really expecting something else? if(ans="yes") {printf "silly readers..."}) ZOMG, work. (Z^2)OMG work. I am also not packed and will likely forget something important or whatever. I will probably work from home tomorrow. I am a sad, sad faerie dragon.

today, i wish that: it were friday night. no. Seriously? I wish that I didn't have a love/hate relationship with EVERYTHING (see above for further proof).

Also, my horoscope for the day: Your physical desires become a bit more complicated over these next weeks -- and today can foreshadow the complexity. It's not that you are more mysterious; rather, you just aren't satisfied with the practical mechanics that appear on the surface. You have a deeper vision of what love might be and want to manifest your ideal. If you can't, your tendency might be to slip into fantasies and make it seem real in your imagination.
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today, i am happy about: i can't think of anything happy right now. i'm overworked, stressed, worried, and generally sad. i want jer to call, but it's not logical for him to. i want to be in MA, but i don't think it'll make a whit of difference. i want to not be doing work right now, but that's kind of my job. i guess that today i am happy about borrone's pumpkin pie, coz it's yummy.

today, i am less happy about: my hair. it isn't as short as i want it, even after the haircut that I got today. also, see above.

today, i wish that: i had a pair of mistletoe boxers, like they have at j.crew. there are too many good puns to be made with a pair of mistletoe boxers.
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today, i am happy about: the fact that it's monday. MONDAY? Yes, that's right. Because Monday means I can start counting down the days before I'm home. And that, my friends, is worth the pain that makes it monday. And, just for the record, we're at five. I leave Friday night.

today, I am less happy about: the price of bras in California. I don't even REQUIRE one, but prefer them because...well, anyway. But they're SO DAMN EXPENSIVE. WTF, dudes?

today, I wish that: I was on top of all of my work....I'm guessing it'll be a longer night tonight than I really wanted. But since I'm going home for a week, this makes sense...
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today, I am happy about: frivolous clothing. You know, that clothing that you buy not because you need clothing but because wearing it makes you smile. I have a bright magenta tanktop that i always squee with amusement when i wear it. I also have a bra which is all the colors of the rainbow (it matches my sheets, but without the white), and i wear it with the tank top and it is the awesome of awesomeness. today, it was underwear. also, victoria's secret convinced me that i look fatter in shorts than in just underwear. stupid shorts.

today, I am less happy about: those kinds of conversations that you have to have because not having them makes it worse down the line, but having them makes everybody sad and draws/creates lines/barriers.

today, I wish that I had some of [ profile] alemara's mother's "very delicious 'I-need-to-take-better-care-of-myself' vegetable soup, chock-full of cabbage and carrots and everything tasty" not because i've ever had it but because that sounds like exactly the kind of soup I need. Or mom's chili. I also wish that I had just one more day of the weekend, so i didn't feel quite so rushed with work and life and stuff.


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December 2011

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